11-1-99, Monday

“Dear Journal,
Today is the first day of school
I woke up at 5.00am
I got ready for school
when i got to school,
I sat down.”

I caught sight of my centenary journal and grabbed it from my bookshelf, peered in and found this. Although these ten years seem to have gone by so so fast, i’ve a feeling that i’m really gonna miss my time here… and bad. I still remember my first day vividly and i’m fighting back tears just thinking of how far i’ve come from the days of bloomers and sleeveless tees. forget about school politics because now, somehow, i think my time here isn’t going to be defined by the number of gossip sessions the teachers have about you or how many times they point at you during flag raising. suddenly, i feel like how i used to feel when ms heng was around- safe and confident. like results aren’t everything and i feel really proud of what the school had become under her wing. and back to the real world, because results seem to be the focal point of the education system now, i’ve to scoot of and continue my induced memory session.
because i think they think i’m a failure.

glad that i live am i

glad that i live am i

untitled post

gossip girl mania starts in a week+ but i’m gonna abstain from hogging youku cuz of stupid Os.

anyway…
the past few days have been much better thank god.
(tomorrow we check our prelim papers :O )

one thing: i know i’ll be okay

Jesus loves me
Jesus loves me
And this I Know
Jesus loves me
Jesus loves me

its so funny that a children’s song could make me so vulnerable, so vulnerable that i actually fell to my knees in awe. and i’ll tell you that:

MY GOD IS BIGGER THAN STUPID AND EXTREMELY TRIVIAL CHINESE RESULTS.

MY GOD, HE MADE A WAY.

MY GOD HE SAVED THE DAY.

fellowship of christian athletes

I give my all - all of the time.
I do not give up. I do not give in.
I do not give out. I am the Lord’s warrior -
a competitor by conviction
and a disciple of determination.
I am confident beyond reason
because my confidence lies in Christ.
The results of my efforts
must result in His glory.

FCA.org

and again

i feel like curling up in your lap now and crying my tear ducts dry. i dont know why i feel so empty inside. i know in my mind that only you, lord will suffice but… i dont know, i really dont know. i feel like drowning myself in work and more work until i ride out this wave because it seems that people who study all day have less problems anyway. maybe its a way of numbing past hurts, i dont know. i’m clueless at this point and helpless to an extent but i know my god will come to my rescue very soon and i just have to ask. grrr i hate the very thing they call human nature and i hate that i even have to think this way. i mean i know i dont have to be doing this right now cause this pain was already bore on the cross. !!!!! i feel dumb. again.

(slap slap slap slap SLAP)

:)

teeheeheeeeeee
my God is awesome awesome AWESOME.
i’m now filled with this unspoken peace and overflowing in his love and mercy. i very fuzzy and wuzzy inside and i could honestly just burst out laughing (for no particular reason, mind you) …EXCEPT THAT JESUS LOVES ME!!! he loves me and loves me and loves me over and over and over again. no matter how many times i think i’d failed and how could i not be eternally grateful?
prelims? no sweat! trouble wtb? oh puh-leazze! why? cause my God is bigger than anything that may befall me cuz i know i’ll come out stronger.

short update

oh my goodness, oh my goodness. (note: lack of exclamation points– prelim fever)
lit can actually be studied.
(huge revelation)

love you lit time, (pun. hahahahahaha)
ju

oh man oh man oh man

social studies is terribly draining as i have come to realise.
80 pages or more, more. (thanks to my lovely procrastinating self)

three more

well i’m glad its over

hurts like hell

(my head kinda wants to explode.)

my soul longs for you
my soul longs for you

i am weak
but you are my strength

note to self: urgh.